The night at the strip

I finally landed in Lagos, after 3 hours of delay. It was finally time to get in the weekend mood. Over the past few months, I have lost 3 of my friends to the institution of marriage. Once again another one was about to bid another one goodbye. We were all seated by the pool, groomsmen and bridesmaids getting acquainted, nibbling on small chops and downing some good liquor. A stretch hummer pulled up and the ladies were out for their *Hens night (have no idea what goes on there). Now that all the ladies were gone, we decided to hit a few places. Charles was going to lead the convoy since the rest of us had become foreigners in Lagos State. In a short while we were at the strip club, yup, a proper strip club for the Nigerian standard, not like the rundown piece of shi*t I once visited in the eastern part of the country. I have a weird taste for art, something deep, dark, twisted sometimes. We headed straight for the lounge upstairs along with a fine selection of strippers for the soon to be husband to say farewell to foreign booty. I was soaking up the view, admiring the various shapes and sizes of ladies with various performances up on stage while I sipped slowly. This was where my night officially commenced. 

She came up from behind, grabbed my butt and whispered 'you don't seem to be having much fun' ' nah, I'm cool, I'm just here for the view and to feed my lust'. She was well spoken and had a very confident demeanor. It wasn't difficult for her to convince me for a private show, we went up into one of the rooms, I sank into the couch, eased off a few buttons off my shirt while she took to the pole. In my short life, I have had quite a few experiences similar to this, but there was something about her, her voice, her ass, her moves, the fierce look in her eyes. She worked the pole like it was a contest and she planned on going home with a medal tonight. For a second I forgot I had paid a premium for this *service. She took it all off and came in for the lap dance. Her body had a scent like she just got out of a rose bath. With a blindfold across her eyes, she performed like she had an Msc in the art of seduction. *------------------------------* unfortunately I have only a faint recollection of what transpired during the last hour, I doubt I would have given a stripper the reserved opportunity of taking in my D*.

Saturday, 10am and we were done with the church wedding. Driving to the reception venue, a decent RAV4 pulled up beside me at the traffic light and I could have sworn it was Mimi, the stripper from last night.

If you are ever at the strip club, feel free to ask for Mimi and you can thank me later.

P.s music for the day. 'Earned it by The Weeknd'

Roman!!

My Valentine Story II

Here is the conclusion of my story. Hope it's as good as the first part. :-)

Do I get a prize if the story is the best? Just curious.. He he he

So after this setback, I was curious to find out what the intruder had told her make her fall for him. He had just been persistent. I felt a good lady had been taken and decided to move on. Anyhow I remained friends with her and stood by her through the issues they had. Meanwhile I had a few misadventures of my own in the relationship department. Some how sha we helped each other through our challenges and evevtual break ups. And suddenly we were both single. At this time, we had become closer than before. So now in December 2013, I was making an effort to get into the dating game again, spending some time with "prospective clients" and lo and behold I found myself thinking about this lady while out with other people. I began to look forward to spending time with her, calling her, hearing her voice. I couldn't believe it. Again? Falling in love with this woman, 

Again? After dem don pluck ya eyes two times you still deh think am ni? You don deh madt ni? Anyways I just kept it in my heart. Then she began teasing me that I'm going on dates, enjoying my myself, that she is also ready to date, saying that f i know anyone who she might like as her friend, Ishould hook her up. Aah, me weh don deh trip before, I go just find person come give am the woman weh I don chase taya. 

Abi mo ti sun ni? As I think am, she don disappoint me twice before, do I want to get a third disappointment? Anyways I decided to give it a shot a third time and she said YES. So that is the climax of a story that spans over 8 years. I'm blessed to have a blessing in that woman, she knows me, and accepts me with my strengths and weaknesses. She has helped me through things in ways she doesn't even know. I really appreciate her and I'm grateful to be in a wonderful relationship with my best friend. Don't get me wrong we have issues from time to time like other people but we resolve them amicably.

 So people that is the beginning of a great story. One year down and things care more beautiful than I could have imagined. God truly answers prayers.

My Valentine Story I

I met my special person about 8 years ago while I was in final year and she just got into medical school. We were in the same fellowship at the time. I can't remember exactly how we started talking but somehow we became acquaintances. Then I visited her a lot and spent time in her room, to the point her room mates became my acquaintances too. When I finally decided to ask her out then, it was a flat no. Her words were "I am not interested in a relationship". I thought hey, she doesn't know you well enough so you can't blame her. 

So yours truly picked up himself and maintained a  friendship with her. Fast forward to six years ago, failed-relationships older and fresh from NYSC, I came back to Lagos and continued to be friends with her, again yours truly, being "wiser" now, sharpened his "toasting skills" and set to work, calling this special woman, spending time with her, getting to know her more. 

Of course as expected I asked her out again. This time she said she'd think about it. Mehn she can think for life eh, for she took a long time, (a mere three weeks oh), but it felt like ages as I waited with bated breath. Mehn her answer was NO. I was actually devastated. I thought the reason didn't matter, while she was explaining her reasons my brain shut down. I only vaguely remember hearing something like "I don't like you like that". What the hell? So why did you take that long? There were more questions than answers. So I gave up. And kept my distance from her for a time, though i was still a friend. Hmmm. Fingers crossed. Stay with me. Of course I had the intention of asking her out again, and I'm sure you all are wondering what was so special about this babe. Now it was not the outward beauty-she was beautiful no less-but her make up as a person in terms of her character, outlook to life, value system and all. I was looking for someone responsible, with whom I could build a future with, a christian, and I thought I had found that in her. It's not easy to see good girls these days you know. 

So that was what was "pushing" me oh. So as you can imagine I was preparing for a final bid the next year, which was about 4 years ago. So while I was strategizing and plotting, something happened that really blew me. I remember exactly what I was doing in that fateful cold night in August 2011. I had gone for a course in Ibadan and was just browsing on Facebook when I saw it:STATUS - IN A RELATIONSHIP. What? How? With whom? How could the woman I wanted to be with be with another man. I felt so low and battled all kinds of emotion. I was angry at her, for dating someone else. How could I find out on Facebook that she was in a relationship? It means I meant nothing to her. I was angry. I just called her and congratulated her and wished her well. But alas God had other plans. I'm sure you are wondering why I'm saying all this, it is supposed to be a romantic account of how I met my love. Please stay with me.

By Anonymous E.

JJC

As she entered her empty new room, she hoped "New Hall" will not be all she had heard it was.

Four beds, two bunks, cream colored wall, cockroaches, geckos and a terrible odour. New hall wasn't so bad after all, Yemisi thought to herself

She would talk to her roomies to ensure no squatters. It would be easy to convince them because at the very least, it was against the school rules.

------

"Sorry! Excuse me, excuse me! If you like report to the Dean of Student Affairs or the VC! I don't care Yemisi. Ronke has moved in with me and that's it! Ahan, how can a bloody student like me be telling me what to do?! Kilode?" hissed Chika as she turned to attend to her already burning indomie on the stove.

Yemisi was dumbfounded. Everyone else muttered how having another squatter wasn't an issue. Ronke's new squatter would make them nine people in total.

------

The next door aristos usually came in from the club around 4:00 am on Fridays. Their arrival was usually accompanied with plenty noise. Yemisi couldn't complain to the porters, they actually allowed them in an hour before the legal hostel opening time. 

The last time she confronted them, they almost beat her up in their drunken state. What pained Yemisi the most was that her new pair of sandals she had been looking for was in their room but she couldn't collect it because it had cut. Bloody ratchets, she mused!

Yemisi wondered how much they actually made after all their parole, they couldn't still afford a space outside school. 

-------

"Ma fun e blow! Eh?"

The shouts from the opposite wing woke everyone up early one Tuesday morning.

The small crowd that gathered soon became a large one. The porters came to lead the girls away, one had a bleeding nose, the other swollen, bloodshot eyes. 

"Chika, what happened?" asked Yetunde, who could understand  neither Igbo nor Yoruba. 

Chika in her usual dramatic manner calmed everyone down and narrated what had caused the fight.

"Nonso carried Latifa and Chinazor to a herbalist, who gave them charms to attract good "customers" who would  pay more for their services. The baba collect plenty money but nor be wetin cause fight, kasala sha burst when Lati and Nazor realised the charms had side effects. Lati was bed wetting and Nazor claimed she had been having nightmares since she started using the powder..."

Yemisi's phone alarm rang in her pyjamas pocket, she had barely fifteen minutes to prepare for class. Yemisi hurried to her room only to find an empty bucket under her bunk.

Someone had stolen her water.

"Oh Yemisi, I'd fetch water for you once they pump the water..." said one of the squatters as she strolled in from the bathroom.

The crowd engrossed turned towards Yemisi's room when they heard a shout.

"Yemisi has bitten me! Yeee!!"

------

Yemisi has moved out of the hostel. The last time I saw her, she said Unilag babes need Jesus.

Lie To Me...Again.

"Babes wassup? Which Tunji are you wishing happy married life?" asked Amaka, over the blackberry messenger.

"Can't you see my dp?  Tunji Badmus na...the wedding is today at Four Points. I'm late already sef..." said Peju

Amaka stared at me, her eyes were blank. 

"Amy, oginni?" I asked, as I ate my last hobnobs biscuit. The last of the pack Tunji had brought some weeks before.

"Caro, Tj is getting married!"

"Eh? No na...wait...you agreed? Why didn't you tell me he had proposed...that's how you will pick bridal train and forget..."

"Nooooo! This isn't possible. How can Tj do this to me?! Ahhh, my God!"

I grabbed the phone from her and read the last chat. The one from Peju, one of our hostel mates. Before I could take a look at the picture, Amaka started for the door.

"Amaka wer you dey go? Amy!" 

I ran after her and held her tight, a small crowd had gathered asking what was wrong. Amaka who was still in shock kept staring into space while I signalled them to leave.

-------

"Where you been wan go before, eh Amaka? See your eyes as dey don red finish. Ahan, because of man. Nawa for you o!! Oya take small indomie at least. Abeg," I said as I forced a portion into her mouth

"Caro do you know what hurts the most? He's getting married to Yetunde, my former roomie. How they got to meet I can't even say. Ahhh! This is not fair. What does she have that I don't? Why did he lead me on? You were here when he brought the last set of provisions two weeks ago and said he won't be around for a while because he was the best man for his friend's wedding and would be heavily involved in the planning. God will judge you Tj!"

I wanted to tell Amaka it was her anxiety and naivety that made her experience the heartbreak. She shared too much of her life on Facebook, she shared her love life with too many friends, too many of us knew Tj's house to start with and her confidence and trust in Tj made her blind to too many things. I wanted to ask her if all her actions were to convince herself and Tj that they were truly in love, but I changed my mind hoping she would learn somehow along the way, to love again.

--------

I regret not having that discussion 7 years ago with Amy. I was with my kids at the mall yesterday when I saw Amy, she's 32 now and unmarried. She explained that she hadn't gotten into any relationship after Tj, and that she was pretty lonely and was fine with that rather than having a liar, cheat and heartbreaker as a husband. I told her to let go of the past and focus on opening her heart to love again.

Coincidentally, I had seen Tj the week before though and he had explained how Amy had done abortions for him and how he was scared she wouldn't have been able to bear his kids. I didn't tell Amy this o. Ah, only a learner would have done that or what  do you think?

Office Politics

"Mike, control yourself! There are better ways of expressing yourself than slapping your boss. This is unacceptable..." said Oga Tayo

"What did you just say?! Un-what? No please, by all means repeat yourself and see whether..."

Mike was hysterical. As I sat there at the meeting, I wondered if he would ever be normal again. He graduated best in his class and was a stickler for saying the truth at all times. 

I remember telling him, when he just joined the company, to find subtler ways of passing across his point, but perhaps I am just a secretary and hence not smart to understand the game. While thinking of what other career options Mike might want to consider, his voice shot through my thoughts.

"Rita had been telling me and I didn't listen. She always said you all are vipers! And that the few who are good are spineless..."

Eh? Did he just call my name?! How did my name enter the matter o? See me...

"How can I work so hard and yet you won't promote me? See Tj that resumed after me, I mean I showed the guy what excel sheets look like   though you claimed he was a super-accountant, now he's my boss!! Five years and I've only been promoted once! Five good years. So after using me you all have the guts to promote Shade and tell me if I want to resign that I can??? How dare you...?"

I was afraid he would pull out a gun and shoot someone. His anger stemmed out of his inability to understand that his bosses were tribalists, and slept with underlings, and were biased and also had favorites. He just couldn't understand that corporate politics crossed every moral line drawn by man.

The company will move on even if he doesn't. His opinion on what is fair and what isn't won't count at the end of year party, his absence or presence won't remove the toothpick from my bosses mouth. Life will go on, as it always has.

To win, he must learn the game, and then beat it.

I have to go now, I mean I could give you the hot gist of how Oga Tayo is sleeping with both married and unmarried women, even Mike's wife but I'd save it for later. I have to run now and explain to my boss that Mike had just smoked something this morning and didn't know what he was saying when he called my name.