Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

I was telling a friend the other day, that I prefer those who openly show their weaknesses and are not afraid to be sincere about who they are. I've met the Buddhist, the Atheist and the Agnostic , I think they are truer than you, my brother.

They won't stab you in the front with a broken cross. They won't change their mind one day and tell you "God changed His".

I prefer those who tell you they can't and so they don't than those who promise "For better, for worse, my love will remain" while asking another for her room number. I prefer those who puff their cigarette openly to those who sin in the privacy of their walls only to judge the former in open.

When they say "I love you", please run away. They come with their bag of trouble! Run for dear life.

I segregate not based on beliefs. Life segregates based on what settles after the stirring. They look you in the eye and lie to you, and tell you you were imagining things, meanwhile, even whistling Bingo knew you had just been fooled.

It's a confusing world where grey means black and white, literally. What a tragic joke nature has played on mankind! 

When they say "Look into my eyes baby, trust me!", tell them "I rather trust the "pet me" sign on a python than trust what your eyes tell me!"
Rants of a betrayed chic,
Anonymous

Yanga Dey Sleep...

Temi is a young lady who just graduated from the university. Sleeping and keeping tabs with all the social media platforms whilst she awaits her nysc call up letter is her newly found way of life.

One afternoon, in the usual business of keeping tabs on social media, a friend request on facebook popped up. It was the same dude Temi had met and had a crush on 2years ago at a cousin's naming ceremony. His name is Femi, he is a very smart and hardworking guy. Femi works with one of the biggest audit firms in the country. In fact,  Gist even had it that he had gotten a double promotion at work. *Why won't Temi trip*

Femi and Temi started chatting via facebook and soon they exchanged phone numbers and BBM pins. And just like that, Femi and Temi have become lovebirds. They stay up late chatting and catching up on how their days went. Temi is a member of Daystar Christian Center whilst Femi is a Jehova's witness. One would think this would be a stumbling block but both of them were soooo in love they really just wanted to enjoy the being in love.

The feelings for eacho ther grew as seconds, minutes, hours, days, months passed by. They cultivated the habit of chilling in the lobbies of nice 5star hotels in lagos every sunday afternoon. The love between this two lovebirds waxed stronger until... *drumrolls*

Femi's 30th birthday is here, he needs to start thinking of  settling down, its time to be real, its time to lay the facts on the table, its time to take that critical decision. They have different beliefs, is it possible to reach a compromise? if they go ahead with marriage which of the beliefs will they teach their kids? Could this be the end of the love they both share?  Could this be what they mean when they say "Don't bother smelling what you know you won't eat"?

Sent in by Anonymous.

Unedited.

Christmas in Lagos

So Amaka decided to spend her holiday in Lagos with a plan to turn up at every opportunity she had. She hurriedly packed her bags the night before and arrived the local airport at the nick of time for her flight.

 She heaved a sigh of relief when the plane landed. Yea, she was still scared of a plane crash. 

"Aunty, you no say traffic dey for road plenty. Abeg, na 7000 naira to Ikoyi. Emabinu" explained the cab driver who accosted her at the exit from luggage claim.

After haggling her way through various drivers, she finally got a suitable price. True to the fact, the route to the island was blocked by trailers who had parked on the major road.

"Hey gurrll...its your birthday...say hiii...Rhythm Unplugged happens this evening...." echoed the quacky radio from the less than decent cab.

She knew she wouldn't be able to make the show. She was too tired.

----------

"Yay! Yes let's go to Elegushi!"

She drove down to Lekki and spent 2 hours in traffic from the Toll gate to the 3rd roundabout. The distance which is usually a 2-minute drive. 

She arrived around 8:00 pm but for the dark skies, she would have bet it was 2pm because of the crowd at the beach.

Families set up their blankets on the floor with kids running around and barely no space to sit down.

"Is this life?" she thought to herself. She bought some suya, sat on the bare sand and tried not scream each time someone threw a "banger" close to her.

Yea she was still scared of knockouts!

-----

She didn't attend any more shows. She spent time with family and loved ones. She could have gone for the "Wakaà" stage play but you know how these things go. 

She doesn't plan to spend the next Christmas in Lagos. Maybe New York, like I mean New York in Abraka, Delta State. Ain't no difference mehn. Lagos gra-gra is just too much.

Talk to Me

The dark sky told no story: no stars, no moon. He climbed up the stairs to his apartment on the 2nd floor as though he didn't just get a sack letter at work.

He would not return to the office the following morning. He would not get a chance to tell the company secretary, Ronke, how much he loved her and wished she wasn't involved with the senior bosses. He wouldn't see her because she was fired too.

------

The flight of staircases seemed longer than usual, the fluorescent lights didn't seem to work, even though they had recently been replaced.

As he turned the door knob, his mind flashed back to ten years before when he opened the doors to tell his father that he had failed JAMB for the 4th time. The look on his father's face  had torn him apart. The pang he felt in his heart reminded him of the fact that he hadn't stitched the wounds of time past. He still wouldn't.

This weekend, he would turn up at QUILOX using his last savings. He would dance till dawn. After which, he would head to the Third Mainland Bridge and kiss the waters.

You would read on LIB that some fishermen found a dead body in the waters on the past Sunday. You would wonder why. And then you would look in the mirror of your family and friends. I hope that when you do, you lend out a hand. 

The Place II

I smiled knowingly. It was a terrible pick-up line, one I hated so much. 

"Why can't he just go ahead and ask for my number?"

We talked briefly and he offered to drop me off at my hotel.

Seven weeks passed and I didn't hear from him. 

I walked past him in Shoprite the other day, wondering if I still looked familiar and if he would ask for my number, if he would apologise for breaking my heart and if perhaps someday, I would want to marry him.

Friday Evening

Friday evening.

Everybody loved Fridays, but hardly as much as students did. Friday evenings in Uniport were used mainly for social agenda, though a few geeks turned theirs into suicidal attempts to literally read words out of books and into heads. Businesses recorded peak moments too, clubs, pharmacists, boutiques, beer parlors and transporters.

Taxi drivers were the major secret keepers of the night; they knew the girls who were off to their homes, and those that were off to the homes of men. They always preferred female passengers too, boys always under-priced and were usually in annoying overcrowded groups, all wanting to squeeze into the poor taxi. No way! They’d stick with the babes!

In Pritaso Villa, room F40, sprawled in different positions were Eze, Jonathan and Bayo. They were pretty much doing nothing, save for Jonathan’s occasional punching of phone keys.

“This is so boring! You guys just know how to have the perfect Friday!” Jonathan said to no one in particular.

Silence greeted his comment. He grunted.

“Omo! This is dulling sha! Today na Friday o! Choi! Konfam, we be dulling men!” Bayo finally said. “I sure say Eze dey sleep! Trypanosomiasis pikin!”

Jonathan chuckled. “Sleeping beauty! This young man has slept away the better part of his youth…”

“Fools! I’ve been awake jor! Bayo, you just wan show say your papa na vet abi? He specializes in dirty pigs right? And this Jo, Mr. Blogger! Blogging or tweeting rubbish every time! E no worse pass sleeping? 30,000 tweets, only 50 followers! Ode!” Eze hissed, still in his lying position.

“Why you dey dey lie down like rug na? Make we find parole.” Bayo offered. He got up and headed towards the rack at the far wall of the room.

“FYI, just so you know, I’ve got more followers than that, even celebrities follow me…” Jonathan tried to defend himself.

“Hehehe! Celebrities ko! Dare only followed you because he thought you were someone else, as for Blackface, he’s not a celebrity o, no dull yourself.” Eze lashed again.

Bayo laughed. “He’s right Jo. I even doubt that the real Blackface owns that handle. He might not know how to tweet.”

Jonathan smiled. “Ehhn! I hear. All these don’t faze me.” He said, twisting his head as if singing.

Eze hissed. “Fag!”

Bayo had been searching for something but seemed to still miss it.

“Who has seen the 1000 naira I left here?” he asked.

Eze sat up on the bed. “Em..er..was it yours?”

Jonathan giggled. “Frostbite got your tongue?”

Eze looked at Jonathan with something like disgust on his face. “Dude, like seriously? Frostbite? Tongue? Is it not for toes only?”

“Nope! It is as correct as good driving. And I’ve got poetic license anyway. Don’t be hating now…”

“Because you blog?” Bayo laughed hard. “Does Senator Patrick have a license too? Dame? Let me guess, issued by the same poetry office? Or the Queen? Ha and ha! Please! Abeg Eze jare where the money dey?”

“I’m really sorry man. I had just heard that there was this urgent book we were to pay for, about 5 marks at stake. I just had to use it. I’ll get it back for you tomorrow!” Eze looked sorry.

“Damn! You don forget say I dey your department too? So make I dash you foolish virgin my own 5 marks abi? E no make sense na. How you go just carry my bar go drop for kini without consulting me or anything? Bayo was quite angry.

“Calm down na! It happened so fast I swear. I usually won’t do that you know. Those department people are just thieves. I’m just as angry as you are!”

“I’m a thousand naira angrier actually!”

Jonathan giggled, causing Eze to giggle too. Eventually Bayo’s anger softened and he smiled.

Eze tried to repair damage. “Sorry bro, I’ll get it back for you tomorrow.”

“Hope you realize tomorrow is Saturday?” Bayo said.

“Er..Em..Erm…Nope! But hey, it’s not like I’m moving out…” Eze laughed.

“Enough of the i-love-you-too! Fags! What are we doing here? It’s Friday evening!” Jonathan cut in.

There was the sound of footsteps approaching from outside. Chris walked in, with a shinning looking girl behind him. Maybe the evening was going to be interesting after all.

The Place I

I really did not want to go out to eat, the mood was foul because Rotimi had just broken the camel's back. I can't narrate what happened to anyone, but if you look into my eyes, you would see. You would see not just what happened, but tales of a thousand nights.

Back to my story! I walked quietly through the very long distance to famed restaurant. I wanted to eat efo and amala. That was because I had barely had any of that while away at school. The queue was long, undeterred I was. I paid for the overpriced food whilst regretting my decision not to drive to "white house" on the mainland. Oh well, man must chop.

I sat down quietly, trying to figure out why I had fixed my nails whilst judging the man sitting on the next table who had ordered a mountain of rice, spaghetti, fish, asun,snails and salad.

Quietly I sat when a fine-bobo with no pimple came to say "I think I've seen you before".

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